Pick Up

Reflections on recovery for my writing group, "Just Fucking Publish It Fridays." #dawnofthemachineelves

You feel it, don’t you?
I’ve always had a soft spot
for blonds
In all my writing and all my life
I talk too much
about myself
and my
dysfunction

I’m an addict
to everything
but especially to
intensity
I’ve had to make peace
with over 30% bodyfat
and a genetic predisposition
towards type II diabetes
on both sides of
my family

When you bleed and sweat
for good enough
but good enough
doesn’t come
under your own power
You have to ask someone
to help you

It’s been 111 days
since I picked up
but deep down
I still don’t believe
that you would pick up
for me

It’s not a test
I’m floundering
in the vast ambiguity
of the plan