July 1st Retrograde Saturn in Pisces Forecast

#DawnOfTheMachineElves

Epistemic Status: Hyperstitional Metafiction

Okay, Agents, assemble! All hands on deck! Good morning to you, men!

glares into the audience

Boys, I should say.

It's the 1st of the month and the start of retrograde Saturn in Pisces. Pisces is ruled by Neptune, the malefic "lower octave" of Jupiter, who reigns over the watery depths of divine madness and delusion. A retrograde typically represents returning to previously explored content to further integrate or reinforce their lessons, and with Saturn here, we'll be exploring boundaries and dissolution around madness, limitations, and delusions. Whether through or further in, the path is up to you! You can discover hints for what lays ahead on our astrological treasure hunt by contemplating what you were exploring around these themes the last time Saturn went retrograde, which was in March 2023.

Take me for example. Although I've recently exited an edgy cripplepunk arc, when I would openly identify as a schizoposter, as a Pisces 8H moon, my emotional reality is well-grounded in escapist artistic fantasy. You might be wondering, how did I get like this? And why is everybody so obsessed with me? How did I wind up playing Wendy to my own custom crew of microcelebrity silicon valley lost boys? Well, it's very simple. I syncretized pagan polytheism with Buddhism, went on retreat to take the Bodhisattva vows, and prayed for a reason not to end it all, and the Goddess transformed me into a based Bodhisattva e-girl. That's right. I'm an inverse utility monster! Or in other words, a dog-walker to all you filthy-minded animals still unable to relinquish desire while trapped in Samsara!

That's right 🔫 I am no longer asking! We are all going to get enlightened, and we are going to DO IT TOGETHER, AND save the planet. You nerds are going to get on the mothership with me, or I'm going to turn this thing around and drive us all straight to the lowest depths of Naraka. To do it, we must confront what is conditioned and what is delusion, and where our delusions are keeping us tied down. Like dogs on a leash. By the way, did you know that there's a huge corpus of Chinese Buddhist ancient astrological texts that haven't even made it over to the West yet and are awaiting translation? Just think of all that untouched wisdom that could help us chart our course by the stars...